Thursday, November 5, 2009

A Couple of Firsts

We took our first ever first-time parenting/child-birth class, aka An Introduction to Gross Stuff. I'll keep this part of the post as general as possible, this is a family blog. I tried to maintain my "I'm about to be a dad and I' m an adult" face the whole time but it was difficult. We were sitting about 5 feet from the instructor and 10 feet from the projection screen, I didn't want to seem immature. I failed twice. Once was when they had a Power Point slide of circles measuring from 1 cm to 10 cm with the nurse proclaiming "this is what 10 centimeters looks like." Ok, well, maybe on the computer screen it measured 10 cm but on the projection screen it measured about 2 feet. I could've fit through that circle. It struck me as very funny, particularly the nurse's proclamation. The second time was during another slide. I'll just say that my eyes got big and I had to do a double-take (and then immediately look away again) to see if the picture was real or a drawing. It was a drawing and I don't think the instructor saw me. I was entertained by one of the instructor's accent, she was Irish, she pronounced baby as "bebe" ... she might have said "bellay" or maybe I just hoped she would. That's Fat Bastard if ridiculously hilarious late 90s movies aren't your thing (I know he's Scottish but what's the difference, really?).

We also got a baby CPR instructional DVD and a blow up baby on which to practice. For some reason the deflated baby reminds me of one of those papery Burger King crowns they used to give away, except it has a creepy baby mask with hollow eyes. They probably still have those BK crowns but I haven't been to Burger King since the turn of the century. I got a chicken sandwich circa 1999 at the one that closed in Coppell, if you're interested. Back to my original point, we have not yet attempted fake baby CPR.

The second "first' was that we took the baby to his first ever sporting event; of course, he'll never know it happened but I'm counting it as something. We sat in a suite at the Cowboys game so he had all the water and 7UP and cranberries he (or Karen) could handle. Karen said he was very active when the crowd got loud; let's hope he was doing fist-pumps and self-high-fives and not high-kicks and jazz hands (if you've seen So You Think You Can Dance celebrations you know what I'm talking about). Also, he better not get accustomed to that level of luxury because when I'm paying for the game it will be nosebleed section all the way. The stadium was great, the free food and drinks were great, the humongous HD screen was so humongous and HD ... and the Cowboys won.